Getting older – Part II – Help me, I can’t see!

I’m serious and it’s not funny (although at times it actually is), but I really feel like I can’t see at all sometimes. It’s getting worse all the time and soon I think I may need to start wearing glasses full time. I don’t like it, I find it annoying and I want to turn back the clock. I can’t do that, so I have to learn to accept this and move on.

It has not been easy and I have struggled with the concept of getting older. It’s been controversial and the whole thing kind of sneaks up on you, but let’s start from the beginning. Why do I feel like I can’t see anymore and why I feel like it sneaks up on you…

#1 Something is different phase

I got them! Cool!

I went to the optician when I turned 40 just do a basic check up because they say that after this magical number it’s just downhill (in so many ways… keep following my blog to co-commiserate) and he said all well, eyesight is better than normal, but go and get it checked up again in two years as that is when “it” usually starts.

So I was happy, all well, no need to worry, keep going. Few years later when I was almost 43 I started to feel like it’s a bit harder to read small labels on packages. I didn’t really pay too much attention to it but remembered the opticians advice to do another check up around the time of 42 years so booked a time as it was way overdue. Again eyesight still really good, but she suspects that in about 6 months to one year I will be needing reading glasses.

So I am prepared, I am monitoring my eye sight and notice that the print gets smaller and fuzzier by the month. By the time 1 year has passed I realize that the optician is actually right, I am really struggling with seeing small print. So I book a time again and now she says yes, it’s time to get them glasses. Crazy me, I am so excited because I get to wear glasses! Little did I know that it’s actually going to be a frigging permanent thing soon!

#2 New and exciting phase

Accepting the fact…

I got my first reading glasses about the time when I was almost exactly 45 years old. It also took about 3 months to get the lenses right when I got the glasses. First I could not see anything further than 2 meters which meant that for example trying to read sheet music while singing and follow up the baton of the conductor was impossible. Then there was something wrong still with the remote vision and it turned out that the lens was a bit too big for the frame and the tension kept twisting the lens and vision. So finally after few tweaks I finally got good glasses!

It was new, it was exciting, I kept wearing them just for the fun of it and then the reality strikes. As the glasses were so to speak “computer work” glasses with the reading section at the bottom I kept taking them off and putting them on. It was very annoying and by the time about 4-5 months had passed I started to keep them less and less. That was probably a mistake. I thought that maybe my head is aching because I am wearing them and I still don’t know it might be but the truth is I cannot see any small print without them anymore.

#3 Reality strikes phase

Getting more comfortable with it

One and a half years later at Kilimanjaro I realized that I actually need the reading glasses with me all the time. Luckily Kindle print can be increased and mobile too but for example writing my diary was hard. I had to keep the notebook so far from me to be able to see what I wrote that it felt ridiculous and I had no idea anymore what I was writing. That is when I decided to go optician again after we get back and managed to book a time early this year just before Covid-19 hit Finland.

I go to the optician all in good faith that I will just swiftly change the lenses to the current frames with better reading area, but no the whole entire world of glasses, lenses, frames and reading areas is so confusing that I want to just forget about it BUT I try because I need to learn this new “thing”, this new world of “glasses”. He patiently explains to me how much it will cost to change the lenses to existing ones and how much to get new frames and new lenses.

It makes no sense that it is almost the same cost to get completely new frames and lenses than to change the lenses to the frames you already got. Sounds like a waste of natural resources and I had only had the frames for 1,5 years and I really loved them so why would I want to change. I thought I can keep the same frames until like…. forever if I wish.

Then it happened I felt emotions hitting in and tears coming into my eyes… Quickly said sorry and went to the back room to “swallow them back in”. Managed to calm myself down, went back and explained something about being surprised about there being such a high cost again to replace the lenses and said that the new lenses will need to wait until I can afford them and left the shop.

I realized that what just happened there was not normal, it was not me, but something else uncontrollable had taken over me and has been doing that for a while now. It’s this emotional roller coaster that I am on where nothing seems to make sense one day and then the next day everything is fine again! Which brings me to the topic of “Getting old(er) – Part III” which will be about emotions so get your tissues out!

Anyway now 1,5 + years later I am in a situation when the print is getting smaller and smaller. I don’t have to keep (reading) glasses all the time (yet) and luckily I got long arms so there is still a bit of leeway left, but the reality is that I cannot hide or deny it; I cannot see anymore the way I used to. This is one of the things you can’t control. It will happen to us all one day the older we get so might as well get used to it.

Oh, and reading glasses help with weight control too as you can finally see the real portion size 😂😂😂

Not sure how you are coping with aging? I am having a hard time accepting it… Read Getting olde(er) part III – Emotional roller coaster to join the ride!


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